I've been quite generous in how I've received (the apparently now finished) 'Sony’s Spider-Man Universe', but even I can't give you any positives for this one. 'Venom' is its peak, though I genuinely enjoyed 'Madame Web' (don't @ me) and even (the not good) 'Morbius' didn't overly bother me. 'Kraven the Hunter', however, did well and truly bore me. Aaron Taylor-Johnson offers a glimmer of hope, but this makes for a looooong 2hrs 7mins (why that long, I have no idea). The first few scenes, whilst nothing exceptional, are actually perfectly OK - I thought so, anyway. Though pretty much from the introduction of a young Calypso (no hate on Ariana DeBose btw, I like her and she tries) the movie quickly spirals. The characters of Russell Crowe and Alessandro Nivola (he, too, tries) are, to put it kindly, rather irritating. Christopher Abbott's role has some potential attached to it, though that countdown thing got repetitive real fast; almost as quick as 1... 2... nevermind. The stuff with Fred Hechinger's part, meanwhile, is bizarre, sure it makes sense based on his (bad) final scene but the whole voice bit felt silly at every moment; esp. when imitating Crowe's Nikolai. Probably for the best that this character and franchise ends here.

I can't really go lower than a six for this because ATJ is just so easy on the eye. Reductive? Well, yes, but if that's the only card a film has then you might as well get your shirt off and play it! Sadly, that is all that can really be said for this plodding superhero adventure. The "Kravinoff" siblings "Dimi" (Billy Barratt) and "Sergei" (Levi Miller) are taken out of their posh school by their oligarch father (Russell Crowe) and taken on a hunt in Ghana to develop their masculinity. They are on the trail of a lion called "Czar" and it's an encounter with him and then with a local girl called "Calypso" (Diaana Babnicova) that sees the latter brother emerge injured but changed. Quite profoundly changed too! Skip on many years and the "Sergei" (now Aaron Taylor-Johnson) has no relationship with his father, though is still in contact with his brother (now Fred Hechinger), and he has developed some remarkably animalistic ninja skills. He's the ultimate in natural forces for good. Meantime, though, things are hotting up amongst the criminal fraternity and a chance re-encounter with a grown up "Calypso" (Ariana DeBose) sets up a denouement with a nasty baddie who has to survive on refrigerated gel packs from his rucksack else he gets especially thick-skinned. Along the way there are several, quite violent, escapades that allow the star to show off his physical prowess, Crowe to show off his thick Siberian accent and Hechinger to look about as weedy as possible. Thereafter there isn't an original bone in it's CGI-fest of a body. The script is actually pretty diabolical and the plot really struggles to get off the ground as this lumbers, quite literally, along for over two hours. It's as if it were a few episodes of a mini-series hastily condensed into a film; it's bitty, disjointed and the denouement is all rather underwhelming. Clearly there is scope for a sequel, but I doubt anyone will have an appetite for it.

Kraven Hunter is good hunter. Very good actor, Mr Crowe. Picture move. Much excitement I feel in my heart. Wow. White man take black magic become invincible. Wow. Fresh movie.